These posts are about THE FUNDAMENTALS...anyone who is accomplished in any field, golf, for example, has mastered the fundamentals and practiced over and over to perfection. The same goes when one works on communication skills... the training course is about fundamentals...then innovations that create the next great TIGER WOODS of Communiation...it could be you.
FIND THE CONNECTORS: PEOPLE WHO REFER TO BUSINESS
The objective is to continually mine resources and referrals who will act as worker bees for you building your network...there's the saying..."Make money while you sleep"...well, this is making contacts while you sleep....An example is when clients, friends or referrals of mine meet, let's say in an oversees airport...they are strangers to each other..and within minutes they connect because they know me...they are talking about me very positively a half of a twist away in an airport...and I am asleep while they are connecting....the result of that is the genuine perception that I know EVERYBODY!...well, that's an exaggeration, but it appears I do...one of my clients has called me..the VIT...Very Important TRISH....for that reason.
The work we are doing is Networking...you may think it's a 4 letter word...you don't like it. It is a four letter word...it translates to SALE. Now if you are uncomfortable with the salesperson image replace it with the sense of yourself as a POWERFUL MEGAWATT CONNECTOR..your image , your largess, your skill set will combine to make you a connected person...and people like that...Not a CELEBRITY...celebrities are only famous for their FAMOUS-NESS. You are not seeking Rock Stardom as a networker...you are a connector...part of a value chain that includes you and any other valuable people you connect with that create positive energy and business.
GET OUT OF THE OFFICE....
GET OFF THE PHONE...
GO FACE TO FACE.
Look for the Town Criers...the people who will talk about you.
Look at your clients...the corporations who you are billing a re full of people who need to be noticed....with the lightest touch, your doing that can get them talking about you...wherever they go.
become a matchmaker as part of your own connecting list grows...
Be selfless
It's about them...not you...yet!( time for that later)
Find the People who need People, and get linked in!
ESTABLISH A NEW SOCIAL BEHAVIOR THAT QUICKLY ADVANCES TRUST IN YOUR EXPERTISE
Think about awareness...train yourself to READ the ATMOSPHERE...this takes work and practice, not putting your headphones on or sticking your head into the WSJ..wherever you are be aware.
Become the CIO of yourself...the Chief Innovation Officer....take control of the perception people have of you...you have 9 sec to make a positive visual impression
The Rocket Science of presenting a look...create a standard...if it's not working, change...if it's dated, update. Look at the image you are conveying...then bring something new and fresh to it.
Look into Social Science...Read Goleman, read Media books about how image is created and take some of the tips on..study yourself as an action research project.
Be a student of Global Pop Culture...use the internet to create as much information about the world in your own mind that knowing even a word...like senpai (mentor) and using it in conversation makes you look aware of diverse topics...connected.
USE TECHNOLOGY TO BUILD RAPPORT with Clients
Technology is great for INFORMING and Confirming....powerful!Use it for factoid...but to develop networking skill use it as a bridge, glue to the face to face and personal touches..
Remember...One email done in haste can ruin an entire relationship...it is like skywriting...you never know who's going to see this.Techno dissonance
Balance the sources of e communication: Phone, texts, email, fax...ipod casting
Build groups as they do online within your own database and get them connected.
All of these can work for you, all of them have pitfalls as well as benefits to Communicating.
Know how to keep connected with brief but original language standards...find the signature communication style...what kills e communication..VAGUE ness It's a cost to productivity.
KEEP YOUR CLIENT BASE CONTENT AND CONNECTED
Use the FAce book model..but you create the group ideas to gather around.
Act as the CIO of your client base, thinking about how to innovate for clients to be reminded of you consistently
Brand yourself as the _____guy or woman...then create it in the image you acquire.
Share as many personal aspects as you are nearly comfortable wit...get a bit uncomfortable so that you push yourself to a new interpersonal level.
KNOW PEOPLE's NAmes....Identity TRIANGLES FOR ALL YOUR CLIENTS.( MAke a visual representation of all of them) Their NAme at Top... thier significant person...a significant business person...then USE it as you engage...NAMES KEEP PEOPLE HAPPY!
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
New Kid in Town
The song " New Kid in Town" by the Eagles features a line about talk on the street. Today the talk on the street and on the airwavs and on the internet is about the Massacre at Virginia Tech. After the first days of shock and horror have passed. new developments including the documentation of the crime by the shooter, have brought out a bevy of doctors, psychologists and specialists. speculation about Cho's mental health are unending.
But the idea of the New Kid in Town haunts me. It seems that the anger represented in the words and pictures left behind by the murderer points to a condition of isolation and alienation that is allowed to grow and fester until it becomes unstopable--resulting in heinous crimes of the nature we see this week. Newton's first law, an object in motion stays in motion...remains in play holds here. The motion, the unspeakable and unstopable activity of a new kid in town on the Virginia campus, seems to have been unchecked--only halfheartedly attended to, documented and studied with a casual nod to his uncertain mental condition. What about the systems for the new kid who comes to town, to the campus, to a new place to live. The kid who isn't making it, who is out of step...where are the tools, the processes that our campuses our communities need to provide in this current age of stress and depression that may help us see that the new kid in town is in trouble. The object in motion...the angry, the hate and distrust, grows, picking up momentum until it collides with other lives...forces in motion, and extinguishes these lives forever.
In the song, New Kid in Town....another telling line about "tears on your shoulder'...the image of those tears of family and friends for lives lost needs to inspire us to fix what is broken...where are the systems for saving the damged New Kids in Town?
But the idea of the New Kid in Town haunts me. It seems that the anger represented in the words and pictures left behind by the murderer points to a condition of isolation and alienation that is allowed to grow and fester until it becomes unstopable--resulting in heinous crimes of the nature we see this week. Newton's first law, an object in motion stays in motion...remains in play holds here. The motion, the unspeakable and unstopable activity of a new kid in town on the Virginia campus, seems to have been unchecked--only halfheartedly attended to, documented and studied with a casual nod to his uncertain mental condition. What about the systems for the new kid who comes to town, to the campus, to a new place to live. The kid who isn't making it, who is out of step...where are the tools, the processes that our campuses our communities need to provide in this current age of stress and depression that may help us see that the new kid in town is in trouble. The object in motion...the angry, the hate and distrust, grows, picking up momentum until it collides with other lives...forces in motion, and extinguishes these lives forever.
In the song, New Kid in Town....another telling line about "tears on your shoulder'...the image of those tears of family and friends for lives lost needs to inspire us to fix what is broken...where are the systems for saving the damged New Kids in Town?
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
The Power of a New York Smile
Trish Rubin’s New York MINUTE
I've invited my good friend and amazing speaker, Debra Moorhead to New York, but I have to warn her about costs.Another friend of mine recently moved here to the upper west side of New York City and remarked about the high cost of living. She laughed, observing that everything here in the greatest city in the world seems to be based in the number 25, not 23, as the new Jim Carry psychodrama movie suggests. Someone parks your car overnight in a midtown garage, someone washes your West side apartment windows, someone hands you a grocery bag with one or two items downtown, and, in some restaurants on the East side, someone hands you a hamburger, and you got it. It’s $25.00.That’s seems to be the baseline cost of factoring goodtime living in the great city of New York.
Having that good time in Manhattan, is a challenge if you want to break the 25 Rule. I’ve tried engaging all my senses in the cause. I’ve eyeballed the “Cheap Eats” issues of city magazines trying to find the bargains. I’ve eavesdropped on more than one R train conversation, about downtown sleeper sites, listening for low cost entertainment tips. Mostly it’s the younger city crowd that knows where to find the goodtime bargains. Sniffing out the spots that millennial and Gen Y ers know can get you far. These younger New York hipsters’ depth of wallet share as they crisscross the city may be thin, but, they know a good time on a dime when they see it. Yet persuading my newly arrived friend of the possibilities, reminds me that the hunt for feeling good at a good price in Manhattan can become a part-time job.
I’d rather invest my energy in something that costs nothing, but brings a feel good power to this city wherever you are. It’s a freebie you won’t find on Craig’s List. It’s the cost of a smile in your day.
I think of my daughter, Alexandra, a Gen Y-er herself. From infancy, she woke up with a smile on her face. Before her eyes opened, she grinned. Her behavior at age twenty is still the same as she opens her eyes to New York each day. She’s wired for smiles. Research would say she is unique among us in this town, since a lot of us here, tourists not included, wake each morning, not singing New York New York, but with the stressful, “Oh Gosh, it’s morning again,” feeling. Even before we even hit the pavement and have to deal with the press of the crowds and the jockeying for position at the curb or on the train platform, we get that Groundhog Day reminder, that wake up call to the brain that it’s show time. Actually, our bodies do us a big favor and release a chemical, about an hour before we rise, to safeguard us from the daily jolt of awakening.
But, once out on the street, accustomed to the routine of beginning our day in the noise and the hubbub of the morning commute , even the grumpiest, “coffee guzzliest” New Yorker” among us should be ready to use the low cost power of a smile to create a good feeling that money can’t buy. That power creates a buzz that charges the city day positively. Research says that people who smile, who laugh, and who purposefully think about getting others to do so, are happier and less stressed, and more productive. This is not rocket science, but it is science. It’s social and behavioral science. I’ve tried it myself many times throughout New York, Most recently on 43rd street. Smiling a construction worker resulted in an interesting quick conversation that schooled me in the history of the building he was working on that day. Yesterday, I used the power of a smile to exchange that “buzz “with the coat check attendant in an east side office building. He smiled broadly thanked me for taking time to actually find my coat check ticket. Do you know how many New Yorkers are too lazy to even look for a coat check ticket in this city? The scowls alone that come from that activity could cause a communication power drain. SO what about it? If you were to do a small, action research project here on the streets of New York testing the theory of a power of a smile it might look something like this. Give it try.
· Create your own version of Groundhog Day, the movie. Follow the same routine, the same path, the same behavior for two days as you head to work. BUT, don’t interact. No morning TV .On the street, don’t smile, don’t look directly at people, use your iPod, read your paper. Be wrapped up in you. Extend it into the first hour at the office. Be very self-centered. Loose your coat check ticket and don’t care. Do this for two days.
· On the third day, wake up and smile. Put on a funny TV or radio morning chat show, laugh. Practice smiling in the mirror as you shave or do your makeup. Then hit the street, no iPod, unless for a few minutes of great upbeat morning music to lighten your mood. Begin to make eye contact as you follow the same routine with people, doormen, vendors, policemen, babies and their nannies. Nod and smile. Go to work with a bag of pastries, visit people and say hello. Offer them a treat. Call people by their names. Make it a point to breathe and exhale deeply, and keep smiling.
Now reflect for a New York Minute on that third day. What’s been different? Aside from gaining a few carbs from the pastries, you-- and everyone around you-- gained because of your purposeful focus on the energy of a smile. You’ve created, as social scientists say, a brain to brain bridge with people through your bridge of smiles. They’ve returned you the favor with their own energy, and make no mistake about it, it fuels you. Years ago Tom Peters revolutionized the business world with his organizational call to action, “MBWA”, Management by Walking Around. Today create a simple and powerful change in your business and personal life. Do it here in this city that is becoming more known for its hospitality than ever before. It’s a reason why people like my friend are choosing to come back to live in cities. Be a one person New York Good Will Ambassador. You can control how people view you, by “SAWA”, Smiling and Walking Around.
This past week, my dentist, the man I am trusting my smile to, and someone who believes in the power of a smile as he approaches dentistry, gave me a favorite book of his written by another New York patient. The book is, The Power of NICE, How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness. ( Linda Kaplan and Robin Koval ) The authors talk about the need to be genuine, not to be seen as calculating when you are projecting positive energy. Think of the power of smiling in that way. It’s got to be real and not forced, so practice in your day with safe smiles…doormen, policemen, bus drivers, shop clerks and tourists are great for smile work. You’ll know you are there in your New York smile when you grin at a child and they quickly smile back at you. Kids can tell the difference at a very early age between someone who is genuine and someone who is faking it.
Experiment and practice. And with the twenty-five dollars you save daily from this no cost approach to life, you can splurge. Forget the cheap eats for a day and invest in a hamburger with a friend at one of our many trendy New York places-- and smile as you pay the tab. You’ll create positive energy in Manhattan, attract good vibes, and maybe even welcome your morning wake up call the next day.
I've invited my good friend and amazing speaker, Debra Moorhead to New York, but I have to warn her about costs.Another friend of mine recently moved here to the upper west side of New York City and remarked about the high cost of living. She laughed, observing that everything here in the greatest city in the world seems to be based in the number 25, not 23, as the new Jim Carry psychodrama movie suggests. Someone parks your car overnight in a midtown garage, someone washes your West side apartment windows, someone hands you a grocery bag with one or two items downtown, and, in some restaurants on the East side, someone hands you a hamburger, and you got it. It’s $25.00.That’s seems to be the baseline cost of factoring goodtime living in the great city of New York.
Having that good time in Manhattan, is a challenge if you want to break the 25 Rule. I’ve tried engaging all my senses in the cause. I’ve eyeballed the “Cheap Eats” issues of city magazines trying to find the bargains. I’ve eavesdropped on more than one R train conversation, about downtown sleeper sites, listening for low cost entertainment tips. Mostly it’s the younger city crowd that knows where to find the goodtime bargains. Sniffing out the spots that millennial and Gen Y ers know can get you far. These younger New York hipsters’ depth of wallet share as they crisscross the city may be thin, but, they know a good time on a dime when they see it. Yet persuading my newly arrived friend of the possibilities, reminds me that the hunt for feeling good at a good price in Manhattan can become a part-time job.
I’d rather invest my energy in something that costs nothing, but brings a feel good power to this city wherever you are. It’s a freebie you won’t find on Craig’s List. It’s the cost of a smile in your day.
I think of my daughter, Alexandra, a Gen Y-er herself. From infancy, she woke up with a smile on her face. Before her eyes opened, she grinned. Her behavior at age twenty is still the same as she opens her eyes to New York each day. She’s wired for smiles. Research would say she is unique among us in this town, since a lot of us here, tourists not included, wake each morning, not singing New York New York, but with the stressful, “Oh Gosh, it’s morning again,” feeling. Even before we even hit the pavement and have to deal with the press of the crowds and the jockeying for position at the curb or on the train platform, we get that Groundhog Day reminder, that wake up call to the brain that it’s show time. Actually, our bodies do us a big favor and release a chemical, about an hour before we rise, to safeguard us from the daily jolt of awakening.
But, once out on the street, accustomed to the routine of beginning our day in the noise and the hubbub of the morning commute , even the grumpiest, “coffee guzzliest” New Yorker” among us should be ready to use the low cost power of a smile to create a good feeling that money can’t buy. That power creates a buzz that charges the city day positively. Research says that people who smile, who laugh, and who purposefully think about getting others to do so, are happier and less stressed, and more productive. This is not rocket science, but it is science. It’s social and behavioral science. I’ve tried it myself many times throughout New York, Most recently on 43rd street. Smiling a construction worker resulted in an interesting quick conversation that schooled me in the history of the building he was working on that day. Yesterday, I used the power of a smile to exchange that “buzz “with the coat check attendant in an east side office building. He smiled broadly thanked me for taking time to actually find my coat check ticket. Do you know how many New Yorkers are too lazy to even look for a coat check ticket in this city? The scowls alone that come from that activity could cause a communication power drain. SO what about it? If you were to do a small, action research project here on the streets of New York testing the theory of a power of a smile it might look something like this. Give it try.
· Create your own version of Groundhog Day, the movie. Follow the same routine, the same path, the same behavior for two days as you head to work. BUT, don’t interact. No morning TV .On the street, don’t smile, don’t look directly at people, use your iPod, read your paper. Be wrapped up in you. Extend it into the first hour at the office. Be very self-centered. Loose your coat check ticket and don’t care. Do this for two days.
· On the third day, wake up and smile. Put on a funny TV or radio morning chat show, laugh. Practice smiling in the mirror as you shave or do your makeup. Then hit the street, no iPod, unless for a few minutes of great upbeat morning music to lighten your mood. Begin to make eye contact as you follow the same routine with people, doormen, vendors, policemen, babies and their nannies. Nod and smile. Go to work with a bag of pastries, visit people and say hello. Offer them a treat. Call people by their names. Make it a point to breathe and exhale deeply, and keep smiling.
Now reflect for a New York Minute on that third day. What’s been different? Aside from gaining a few carbs from the pastries, you-- and everyone around you-- gained because of your purposeful focus on the energy of a smile. You’ve created, as social scientists say, a brain to brain bridge with people through your bridge of smiles. They’ve returned you the favor with their own energy, and make no mistake about it, it fuels you. Years ago Tom Peters revolutionized the business world with his organizational call to action, “MBWA”, Management by Walking Around. Today create a simple and powerful change in your business and personal life. Do it here in this city that is becoming more known for its hospitality than ever before. It’s a reason why people like my friend are choosing to come back to live in cities. Be a one person New York Good Will Ambassador. You can control how people view you, by “SAWA”, Smiling and Walking Around.
This past week, my dentist, the man I am trusting my smile to, and someone who believes in the power of a smile as he approaches dentistry, gave me a favorite book of his written by another New York patient. The book is, The Power of NICE, How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness. ( Linda Kaplan and Robin Koval ) The authors talk about the need to be genuine, not to be seen as calculating when you are projecting positive energy. Think of the power of smiling in that way. It’s got to be real and not forced, so practice in your day with safe smiles…doormen, policemen, bus drivers, shop clerks and tourists are great for smile work. You’ll know you are there in your New York smile when you grin at a child and they quickly smile back at you. Kids can tell the difference at a very early age between someone who is genuine and someone who is faking it.
Experiment and practice. And with the twenty-five dollars you save daily from this no cost approach to life, you can splurge. Forget the cheap eats for a day and invest in a hamburger with a friend at one of our many trendy New York places-- and smile as you pay the tab. You’ll create positive energy in Manhattan, attract good vibes, and maybe even welcome your morning wake up call the next day.
Monday, February 19, 2007
The Language of the Eyes
The Language of the Eyes
Like most Americans, I speak English exclusively. I studied French eagerly for years. Unfortunately, my school’s methods taught me into confused silence. Learning language was simply not fun or connected to my desire to using language fluidly. It was drill and kill.
Today, I am a mature woman possessing a nursery school level of French language skill. Oui…un petite peu…tres, tres petite. In a meeting last week with a native French speaker, I was able to awkwardly ask for the salt in French. Pitiful. I have not even mastered Restaurant French 101. C’est domage.
Recently, I’ve tried to learn Japanese. On my own, no formal instruction. I’m trying a new tactic, “Learn to Speak Japanese in your Car” is a new purchase to support my thirst for learning language. Ironically, I have no car! I live in the city, so my Japanese practice is left to…”matane”, meaning “later” as the Japanese say. So when I rent a car, I can practice “deska”-ing… driving the Jersey Turnpike.
I want to have some facility with language as I travel to make connections with people so my cultural currency can rise. I want to be seen as genuine. But, I haven’t got time to invest in learning words .I think it best that I abandon speaking and focus on learning another universal language, the Language of the Eyes.
Research supports this notion of the Language of the Eyes, and our human need to look. Without skill at knowing a language, a few well placed sincerely connected phrases and very sure eye work can advance you in business or travel situations. And these tools can be useful at home and on the job in your own backyard. Drawing on the fact that 80% of our brains are wired to be social, and that poets for years have celebrated the eyes as the windows of the soul, why not blend the world of science and art and school yourself? You’ll create a more connected, personable and confident presence in any room around the world.
I test this theory as I travel in Europe and Asia and have gotten great feedback. So strong, in fact, that I devote a lot of time to Eye Work in my book on Networking, “Trish Rubin’s New York MINUTE guide to Event Networking”. It seems people, especially young people who spend 18,000 hours in front of TV and computer screens before they graduate from college, need to learn the tools of basic social communication like eye work, tools once taught by mature family members to the young.
ESSENTIAL SKILL Using your eyes is a skill and the tools of GAZING are necessary. There is a difference in using your eyes to survey a room as opposed to making direct eye contact. This skill can be taught to the point where it becomes a natural trait, and one that you can tailor depending on the situation. A conference table meeting, a big event, a one on one interview all require different types of eye work. This can be taught, especially if you are feeling less than confident about speaking the Language of the Eyes.
TAKE THE PLUNGE If you are the person who’s always staring at your shoes, or worse creating hyperactivity with a roving eye that can’t be settled practicing each day with yourself, in the mirror, or on the street can help. Also, making direct eye contact with doormen as you stroll, or greeting people with your eyes ,people in your building aboard an elevator for instance, is a safe way to push yourself to making and briefly holding eye contact. Learning to do this helps prepare you for when it counts, on the job or in your personal life with those you want to make a deep impression upon. And it doesn’t matter if you enter a room where people do not speak your language. A welcoming, friendly eye gaze can begin to draw people to you. With a few genuine phrases in the language of the culture, you will find yourself more connected and confident than you’d be glaring into a guidebook for the right translation.
Truly, in today’s techno charged world, face to face is still important. Making connections with friends online in social networks is one skill, but the real challenge of holding attention of another person is done not at a computer, it’s done in real time. In any language, the “Eyes have it”, as the saying goes. If yours, don’t, you could be missing out on the most powerful part of face to face communication. It’s worth looking into.
Like most Americans, I speak English exclusively. I studied French eagerly for years. Unfortunately, my school’s methods taught me into confused silence. Learning language was simply not fun or connected to my desire to using language fluidly. It was drill and kill.
Today, I am a mature woman possessing a nursery school level of French language skill. Oui…un petite peu…tres, tres petite. In a meeting last week with a native French speaker, I was able to awkwardly ask for the salt in French. Pitiful. I have not even mastered Restaurant French 101. C’est domage.
Recently, I’ve tried to learn Japanese. On my own, no formal instruction. I’m trying a new tactic, “Learn to Speak Japanese in your Car” is a new purchase to support my thirst for learning language. Ironically, I have no car! I live in the city, so my Japanese practice is left to…”matane”, meaning “later” as the Japanese say. So when I rent a car, I can practice “deska”-ing… driving the Jersey Turnpike.
I want to have some facility with language as I travel to make connections with people so my cultural currency can rise. I want to be seen as genuine. But, I haven’t got time to invest in learning words .I think it best that I abandon speaking and focus on learning another universal language, the Language of the Eyes.
Research supports this notion of the Language of the Eyes, and our human need to look. Without skill at knowing a language, a few well placed sincerely connected phrases and very sure eye work can advance you in business or travel situations. And these tools can be useful at home and on the job in your own backyard. Drawing on the fact that 80% of our brains are wired to be social, and that poets for years have celebrated the eyes as the windows of the soul, why not blend the world of science and art and school yourself? You’ll create a more connected, personable and confident presence in any room around the world.
I test this theory as I travel in Europe and Asia and have gotten great feedback. So strong, in fact, that I devote a lot of time to Eye Work in my book on Networking, “Trish Rubin’s New York MINUTE guide to Event Networking”. It seems people, especially young people who spend 18,000 hours in front of TV and computer screens before they graduate from college, need to learn the tools of basic social communication like eye work, tools once taught by mature family members to the young.
ESSENTIAL SKILL Using your eyes is a skill and the tools of GAZING are necessary. There is a difference in using your eyes to survey a room as opposed to making direct eye contact. This skill can be taught to the point where it becomes a natural trait, and one that you can tailor depending on the situation. A conference table meeting, a big event, a one on one interview all require different types of eye work. This can be taught, especially if you are feeling less than confident about speaking the Language of the Eyes.
TAKE THE PLUNGE If you are the person who’s always staring at your shoes, or worse creating hyperactivity with a roving eye that can’t be settled practicing each day with yourself, in the mirror, or on the street can help. Also, making direct eye contact with doormen as you stroll, or greeting people with your eyes ,people in your building aboard an elevator for instance, is a safe way to push yourself to making and briefly holding eye contact. Learning to do this helps prepare you for when it counts, on the job or in your personal life with those you want to make a deep impression upon. And it doesn’t matter if you enter a room where people do not speak your language. A welcoming, friendly eye gaze can begin to draw people to you. With a few genuine phrases in the language of the culture, you will find yourself more connected and confident than you’d be glaring into a guidebook for the right translation.
Truly, in today’s techno charged world, face to face is still important. Making connections with friends online in social networks is one skill, but the real challenge of holding attention of another person is done not at a computer, it’s done in real time. In any language, the “Eyes have it”, as the saying goes. If yours, don’t, you could be missing out on the most powerful part of face to face communication. It’s worth looking into.
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